Saturday, Nov. 29, 2003 - 4:14 p.m.
Sit down and grab yourself a cup of tea, because if you like recaps, you're gonna be in front of your computer for a while. Make sure the tea is somewhere away from the keyboard, mmmkay?
I have so much to say about this mission.
Shall we start with a nice cheer of, "Sarah sucks?" In unison with me, right now. SARAH SUCKS. Don't kid yourselves. They actually try their absolute best to make me look like less of a loser at times, to no avail. I look at this mission and just hang my head in shame.
Aren't Mike and Trishelle cute? I'm glad they allowed her to do some interviewing after the fact so there are at least a couple of shots of her looking less bruised. It really was a bad rap for her.
We arrive at the crack of dawn for this mission somewhere up the road from the Windham Peaks Resort. It is freezing cold and we are underdressed. Jonny explains the mission to us and we are asked to create an order of competitors within 2 minutes. I gotta tell ya, this is where my hide gets unbearably chapped. NO ONE SITS OUT IN THIS MISSION. Alton goes three times. He didn't have to, but he chose to go because he is a squirrel and loves to climb things, preferably vertical. I guess they had Coral come in at some point after the fact and say a bunch of crap for story purposes. I actually go somewhere in the middle. Would you believe it? No pressure of going last this time. Allow me to elaborate.
Every day in Telluride, roughly around 3:00 in the afternoon, a terrible lightening storm rolls in and the town gets rained out for a few hours. That is why the sunset looks so brilliant every night. It is always appearing right after a rain shower, which is always coupled with these incredible lightening shows. The mission was based around a gigantic lightening rod in the middle of a clearing in a forest. Production couldn't even test this mission more than once the afternoon before because of the eminent storm that followed the contruction of such an enormous electrical conductor. We were told that we needed to keep up the pace, and each person was ready to go 15 minutes before they actually started their climb. Too bad things are always running late in the production department... even though I was scheduled to go in the middle, these storm clouds began coming into the clearing right on schedule, high winds and all. They are debating as to whether or not we're going to continue the mission, and everyone is complaining about the safety risks involved with climbing a giant metal pole in the middle of the woods during a lightening storm. (Cue the Big Fat Duh here.)
Lucky me, I am scheduled to be the last person of the day before we quit. The sky is black, winds are high, and it is damn cold slipping on fire-fighter pants that someone else just got sprayed in. You'd think there'd be more than two pairs per team if they brought a whole freaking truck, but there wasn't. Wait a minute... consider the company. You wouldn't think that at all.
Shivering, I mount the contraption and the airhorn blows. I feel like I've got a pretty good start, considering I'm going up against a guy. I make it to the 4th rung down and I just get blasted with my own personal Kryptonite: cold water. Ever wonder why fires go out so quickly? Perhaps because they are frozen out of existance with the damn water that comes in blasts from the hose. Once I'm hit with the water, I tense up and can barely move. I'll admit it. You get me near freezing water and I am paralyzed. I don't mind water as a whole, and I actually went swimming almost every day I was in Telluride. I just hate water when it is coooollllddd. That's what eliminated me from the Snake Soup so quickly. Cold. Water. Blows.
We are so intent on no one dropping the cat... we figure that the only way anyone is going to screw it up for us as a team is to drop the damned cat, so everyone is given a prep-lecture about that. This is why it is such a big deal.. We were told from the get-go that it was just unacceptable to drop the cat, and that it needed to be secured before you went anywhere. I was having a lot of trouble getting the cat off the carribeaner and finally just said, "Fuck it, I am wasting time, I've gotta get down from here!" This is why I didn't put it in my pocket. I screwed up, plain and simple. I had bruises all over my arms from flailing down the ladder so quickly. God, I watch this and my heart sinks. I really screwed up.
After they deem the mission to be unsafe due to weather conditions, we reconviene in the house and are told we will finish the last half of the mission the next day. For, essentially, an entire 24 hours, I already knew I was going to the Gauntlet. Latterian went second to last on the second day.
Did you know that Roni was a firefighter? She went through all the training up until about a week from certification and quit, because she wanted to have a job that was her life's passion, and she is a photographer. She didn't want to be doing photography as a hobby. Luckily, she quit a week before 9/11. Neat, huh? Photography probably saved her life.
Everyone pretty much rocked on this mission but me and Latterian... Yes, he skipped rungs and got disqualified, and has screwed up in plenty of missions prior to this one. You can see when he totally denies even skipping the rungs, though, what the problem is. He is in total denial about his previous performance, and then says, "I didn't do it intentionally, that's for damned sure." Well, whatever. I didn't drop the cat on purpose, either. No one else skipped any rungs. You screwed up, too. Just admit it! But I am always an easy target. I never said I didn't have a victim complex, but I don't think anyone was doing anything to make it any better, either.
Also, the order of that fight with Adam was out of order. He was saying something about how I should be confident about going into the Gauntlet and not bitter, and that's when I told him that he has no right to tell me how I should feel. I mean, when was the last time he even got NOMINATED to go? I get it every damned day, dude. Don't tell ME how I should feel. If I showed you how I REALLY felt, you would wake up hairless with vulgar sayings and gestures in permanent marker all over your face. Breathe, Sarah...
I was glad to see that everyone told him he was being an ass. I couldn't actually believe anyone would ever speak the words, "You can't tell me you aren't the weakest person on the team," to my face... it is just inappropriate, considering the time and place... Tell me after we've won, okay? You can think whatever the hell you want after that. Thank you Cara, Theo, and Dave for sticking up for me. Hell, thanks to Darrell, even, for having a little common sense. I really appreciate seeing these things after the fact. I watched it and smiled.
Where do all of these mean things about Trishelle come from? I don't remember being so snarky about her... I feel like I was just firing off a bit of steam in everyone's general direction at that point. You'll probably see clips of me saying a lot of mean things about people in the future... I really let a lot of shit fly in those interviews after Steve goes home.
Trishlle was talking to me throughout the entire thing and I was pretty annoyed. I like a lot of quiet when I'm in the Gauntlet... I have to get into my zone, you know? You'll see me closing my eyes a lot, and exhaling, and furrowing my brow. I need to concentrate. And then the airhorn blows.
We jump into the pool pretty fast, and, being a complete idiot, I do some sort of mini-cannonball into the water wearing a life-jacket. Ever do that? Well, if you have, you may have remembered swallowing a terrifying mouthful of water down the "wrong pipe" and choking yourself to convulsions. Don't remember that? Well, you're one of the lucky ones, because it happened to me! I am throwing those pieces while hacking up a lung, and when you see me struggling out of the pool, you'll hear a, "You're okay, Sarah," from Jonny Mosely, because production almost sent in the EMTs. They thought I was drowning! I was looking around all panicked and grabbing my neck like you're supposed to, praying that they'll call some sort of "re-do" because I go into a belly-up arrest. No one budged, and instead told me to keep going and to just get myself out of the pool. I do... in a beautiful slow-motion.
Thirty minutes pass of us trying to fit those damned pieces into the mold. I kept screaming at production, "These pieces don't fit! Did you test this?!? They don't fit!!!" I mean, try watching a couple of chicks scrutinizing over a puzzle for half an hour and tell me you think the pieces actually fit. I thought I'd exhausted every possible combination. To top it all off, Jonny was being such a smug bastard! He's a fun guy to drink with socially, but as a host, he's always yelling a bunch of snide remarks and being an all-around pain in the ass. He was like, "Do the pieces fit, Sarah? I don't think they do, do you? Should you give up? Well, I don't know... they don't seem to be fitting..." At one point, I yelled something like, "SHUT UP, JONNY! FUCK YOU, RHOMBUS!" And Trishelle kind of laughs and says, "Wow, Sayrah, this puhzzle is REALLY hard, huh?" Arg, I was just so frustrated, and it didn't seem like it would ever finish...
Finally, I lay the final piece in the right place and I enter a complete state of euphoria. That look on my face when I naturally jump into some sort of Mary Catherine Gallegher pose is it... Terror, surprise, relief, elation. I have had very few purely emotional feelings in my lifetime, where there is very little conscious cerebral activity... I honestly don't remember what the puzzle looks like in its completed form, or who hugged me first, or who didn't hug me at all. It was one of the most overwhelming moments of my life. Thanks, guys?
It was sad to see Trishelle go. I really wished they would have shown all of the nice things I was saying about her. I didn't want to lose to her in a puzzle, but Trishelle really wanted to be there. More than a lot of people, actually, I felt that she was playing the game without a lot of malice. No one wants to vote for themselves. Just remember that and don't hold it against her. No one wants to volunteer, because there are no guarantees that you'll come back victorious. It is just a sucky position to be placed in, and very few people want to stick it out and stand up for what they know is right.
Okay, I'm done now. I swear, I typed that in 5 minutes. I have to run out for some errands now, but if I happen to remember anything else, I'll let you know. For all the people who e-mail me to say I'm bitter, I prefer the term "disenchanted." All that glimmers is sure to fade. And also, you're right and you get the gold star-- "Slippery When Wet" is Bon Jovi, not Van Halen. Shame on me...
