Friday, Jun. 20, 2003 - 10:41 a.m.
Picked this photo up from www.toothpastefordinner.com. I really thought it was appropriate for my mood today, which consisted of me waking up and saying, "This really is a pretty nice haircut!" I'm a little upset that New Stylist Johnny whacked off my tails, though, because I loved them very much and had grown attached to my original 'do. Now, it is slightly shorter, nubs instead of tails, and very, very straight. Doesn't sound good? Well, its still good, and will take soooo much less effort. I don't think I really liked my new salon, though. I miss Bob. He was so sweet, and told me how much he loved me all the time, and gave me $400 haircuts for $50, plus product discounts just because he loved me so. I miss Bob. Johnny is his inferior, but he was nice, and now I have straight hair, so oh well. Thanks, Johnny! It is hard to come close to Bob's brilliance, but you're young, and he has literally taken the title for "Best Hairstylist in the World" several times over, so perhaps one day you will learn, young grasshoppper!
This is a quick entry, because I've got Pilates in an hour. Last night, someone told me some information about a certain former cast member going on a certain website and saying that they didn't like me. I have never laughed so hard in my life... To think that anyone from the BMP club would have the audacity to waste their time with such an endeavor, considering we all run into each other every once in a blue moon and are impressively fake, even though we see each other as being stupid or slutty or mean or shallow or whatnot (and this is in no way in reference to any specific cast member, because everyone is entitled to their opinions and they are formed and changed quickly when you are dealing with such strong personalities). It is just beyond me. I would have assumed that we'd all moved on by now, but to go message board-public with these opinions... well, from these points, there is no turning back. Not a loss, but very enlightening as to how things should be dealt with in the future. Haha, I'm so vague... anyway, just thought I'd vent. I don't like it when people resort to childish behavior in order to get points across that no one even cares to hear. I think in my commenting on this, however, means on some level that I DO, in fact care. I will be honest with you, I like being liked. It makes me feel good to make others feel good, and I've always wanted to be the kind of person that lights up a room. Cheesy, right? But important, nonetheless. I think every girl goes through a romantic phase when they're around 12 or 13 that consists of making a slight mental plan for oneself. That is a pivotal point where you decide what kind of person you eventually want to be, and begin working in small steps to achieve that goal throughout your life. This isn't to say that I ever had anything planned out, but I always wanted to be a person who made an impact in one way or another, and always aimed at a positive one. I'm reminded of something someone said about me when I was in the final stages of casting. During some of the final stages, they call up your parents, friends, exes, etc. and ask them what they think about you. "Describe her for me," or things like that. Someone was quoted back to me as saying, "It is like she lives in Candyland. She's always shocked when someone doesn't like her..." Who said this, I have no idea, but perhaps to a certain extent it is true. I want to be liked. I don't TRY to be liked, but I'd like it to happen naturally. When it doesn't, I'm disappointed, like someone has kicked 12 year old Sarah in the shins. I just feel that in some slight way, by being unlikable, I am letting myself (and my ideals) down. It is very stupid, I admit, but I guess that's how I feel about it. I can't put any more logic to it. Formerly fat, friendless Sarah wants to maintain that she's a good person through what she sees around her, which SHOULD be making people happy. I think my goals need a reality check. In print, they sound ridiculous.
Anyway, I don't have anything else to say... I'm sort of tired and didn't sleep well last night. All this rain is messing with my internal clock. James and I are going to our first wedding tomorrow-- how exciting! Hope you all have a good weekend, I'll update soon.